MONSOON

The car proceeded manoevring the undulating hairpin curves embracing the Western Ghats. It has been a long time since the vehicle has left the bustling Cochin City.Mary John looked out through the window pane.The tar road is getting scorched in the ruthless sun.Mary John's sixty year old eyes scanned the entire sky-not even a sign of Monsoon clouds.She did not find any difference in this sky and the Dubai sky.When she is coming to Kerala after a long gap of three years,that too in the month of June,when Monsoon is ought to be in its peak,this kind of behaviour from the clouds is totally unexpected.Not that her heart was yearning for monsoon.When you have set foot in your enemy's territory ,you know you will have to come across him today or tomorrow.And the delay in the encounter will deteriorate your mental strength.She knew, she will have to witness the monsoon romancing,dancing and ravaging through;today or tomorrow.
Has it not been raining here?”,she asked the driver.
“Rains!!Eh..The monsoon has been behaving very oddly for the last three years.Year before last year it rained like hell.It caused mass destruction.Landslips,thunderbolts,cyclones..Lots of people died.However last year it was the exact opposite.It was very scanty.That too after much delay.And it resulted in famine.Many farmers committed suicide.This year,it seems its worse.Its almost the end of June.But not even a single drop yet.And its boiling.People are dying of sunstroke.Such things were unheard of,atleast in Kerala.Monsoon has become totally unreliable now.”He replied.
'It was always unreliable'Mary thought in mind.
The surroundings corroborated his statement.Parched tree trunks with drooping leaves.The meadows which used to be lush green now turned brownThe mountains denuded now due to the absence of the waterfalls which used to garland them.
The vehicle stopped at a tea-shop and Mary John and her husband Mr.John Thomas got down.A rusty board installed by the Kerala Tourism Development Corporation read-”Valara Waterfalls”.The board is still there.But where is the waterfall.Mary was shocked to see the majestic waterfall which used to enthrall many minds with its grandeur,being shrunk to a thin fibre.What waterfall without water.
“Kerala boiling.Meteorologists say that monsoon may not hit Kerala for the next two weeks”An old radio in the tea-shop screamed.Before it could complete what it was saying,it went off.
“Oh!!This power cut.All the dams are empty.Then how can there be power.What an ill fate!!”The tea-shop owner cursed.
“I hope it won't rain for tomorrow's funeral.”David,who was sleeping througout the journey,opened his mouth.He is Mary's cousin.He came to pick them up from Ariport.Mary and her husband were leading their life in Dubai.Three years back,she had vowed that she won't ever set foot in this dreaded place.But the love and gratitude for Jose uncle forced here to break her vow.Tomorrow is that octogenerian's funeral.If it was'nt for Jose uncle there would not have been Mary John.Joseph uncle was a suitable substitute for her parents.Perhaps her own parents could not have given her the love and care that Jose unlce gave.
Those days were golden days.For the ten year old Mary her Adimaly village was a paradise.She with her Appa,Amma and her one year old little brother Appu lived happily.She used to throb around her lovely village like a lamb.And the month of June-July,when Monsoon would be dancing down the earth,is the time when nature looked the most beautiful.The callous summer sun would leave the land bereft of the passionate touch of monsoon.The heated up,thirsty virgin earth will passionately wait for the skies to open up and to come down to her.Finally,as an answer to all that impatient waiting,the winds will bring the dark dense Monsoon clouds, which will drive away the blazing sun which won't be able to witness the sacramental marriage of sky and land.Thunderbolts will lit up the entire area and will announce the advent of the dark handsome groom.All the trees nodding to give consent to this holy ceremony.Finally, with the permission of all forces of nature, sky will embrace land.Rain drops kiss the land and the intoxicating smell of earth emanates from the land surface.
When sky had given away all that it had to give, land will get satisfied,but still yearning for more.New life will sprout out at the denouement of their love making.All the trees and plants get rejuvenated.Seeds sprouting out.All streams and rivers inundated with vociferously
flowing water,which is now abundant with different schools of fish.All energy stored in the clouds now redistributed among all life forms.
Next day sun revisits.Not as blazing as before.Those rain drops which felt shy of landing on earth and had taken refuge on the leaves reflecting the sunrays to produce different kinds of spectrum.Kids appear with fishing rods.Some find fun in floating paper baots in puddles.The miniature form of Titanic hit against a pebble and started to sink.Kids were re-enacting the melodrama of the James Cameroon epic.The advent of monsoon made people very cheerful.
That was the nature of monsoon during those days.It was very punctual.And docile.But sometimes it will turn a bit naughty and will play some pranks.Such a prank overturned Mary's life.It was like any other day.It was evening and the clouds had started to envelope sun. She was getting ready to go to church for the choir practice.Before leaving she gave a kiss on the rosy cheeks of little Appu.She found her brother a wonderful creation.He was unbelievably small.She wondered whether human beings can be so small and tiny.His soft plummish limbs,small round face,tiny sparkling eyes.So astonishing.She could'nt imagine that one day this tiny cute creature will be as tall and big as her dad.She took him in her arms and tickled him.And the baby started chuckling.She did'nt want to keep him down.
“Oh!You have'nt gone yet.Go before it satrts raining.Dont forget the umbrella.”Mother strated to scold.
As soon as she kept him down,he started crying.He wanted to be in her arms.He wanted to accompany her.It is said that babie being incarnation of heavenly agentsthey can foresee future.However,since human beings can't understand their heavenly language properly,they can't comprehend anything.
As the choir practice was going on,wind started to blow.It was not the normal genteel wind.It blew belligerently.All the candles in the church were blown off.All the doors and windows were shaking on their rickety hinges.All the coconut trees oscillating madly.Mary felt scared.It was dark inside the church.Suddenly a thunderbolt struck.The gilrs felt that the sky has broken into pieces and is falling down.They started reciting rosary.It was thickly dark in the church.It started raining heavily.Rain,wind and thunder competing against each other to prove who is the most aggressive.It was like pebbles showering on the tin sheets of the church.In the lightning Mary could see the crucifix.It appeared scary.Lightning only illuminating the blood stains and the stigmata.Not the graceful face of Christ.It was very gory.Mary screamed.It rained heavily the entire night.The girls had to spend the night inside the church.
Next morning Jose uncle came to church to pick up Mary.His face was gloomstruck.She could see banana plantations lying flat on ground;coconut trees uprooted.Houses demolished.There was a crowd near her house.Besides a fire engine,ambulance and police jeep.She was bewildered.She was shocked to see a huge boulder at the place where her home situated.Home totally demolished.Her house situated at the foot of a hill.During yesterday night's heavy rain, the land above her house slipped and slided down.And the huge boulder rolled down and crashed on her home.Entire home ground.And in the ambulance was kept the frozen bodies of Appa,Amma and Appu.She was'nt able to comprehend anything.Jose unlce came near her”They've left.They've left us.”And statred to sob.She got into the ambulance.She wanted to see Appa,Amma and Appu.Then the people came and took her out.They did'nt want her to see the horrificaly deformed bodies of Appa,Amma and Appu.
That was the first time she realized how ruthlessly monsoon can play with lives.After that she grew up in Jose uncle's home.They brought her up with utmost love and care.But that grave incident left an indelible imprint in her mind.She got really scared of rain.She used to have nightmaresof hurricanes,bloodstained crucifix lit by lightning ,Appu screaming under the boulder and all.And the doctors advised that,further stay in this place might may prove detrimental for her mental strength.So she was sent to a convent school in Hyderabad.She studied well.She visited her village only during summer vacation.Time made her mature.Still,when the skies opened up,she felt some sort of fear at the depth of her heart.It made her very uncomfortable.She completed her graduation and got a job in Dubai.There she met John.They fell in love and got married.After waiting for four years,God gifted them with a son,Martin.They lived in Dubai happily.They often used to go to Kerala.But never visited Adimaly.Just because Mary was not comfortable with it.
**********************************************
The car stopped at Jose uncle's home.Mary felt that her whole body was trembling.All the memories brought back.Things she did'nt want to recollect.Her husband guided her in.There was lying the ninety five year old body of Jose uncle.More than the bereavemnt of her guardian,the involuntary recollection of the past was painful.Throughout the funeral ceremony all the memories about Martin popped up in her mind.She was having a knife in her heart.The only solace for her was that it did'nt rain.
****************************************************
Martin turned 18.He was smart and handsome.He completed his twelth from Dubai.For a long time he has been pestering Mary for a visit to her hamlet,Adimaly.However,she was reluctant to that idea.She had only pricking memories about that place.It was a haunted place for her.But now,she could also feel her heart yearning for visit to her village.And she has gotover her phobia for rain.She could bear rain in Hyderabad and Cochin.Then why not rain in Adimaly.
So they decided to go to Adimaly.They got a very warm welcome there.All the people gathered to have a glance of Mary and her family.It has been over a decade since she has visited her village.All the love that was remaining stagnant in the hearts outflowed.
“Ma,it's a crime that you hid this place from me.”Martin complained.And it was another monsoon season.Martin could'nt do anything but to love it.He danced according to its rhythm.Its music intoxicated him.He could sense the soul of monsoon beckoning his.
One day he and his localite friend Rajamany went out in a bike to capture the scenic beuty of the village in lens.He was a photography freak.But it was the day when rain gods decided to let loose.Madness unleashed.It danced down franticly.Martin did'nt return that night.
Next day his body clad in white was brought to their home.While he was taking the snap of mountains standing at the edge of a cliff , a thunderbolt struck him.He died instantaneously.
It was something Mary could'nt bear.It totally devastated her.Her only son.Only hope.Only reason why she was living.Taken way.Taken away by the same monsoon which left her an orphan at a tender age.Same villain.Same victim.She screamed.She yelled.She was raging with grief,despair,anger and revenge.It rained even on the day of his funeral.Each raindrops harrowing her.Vendetta solidified in her mind.If monsoon takes a human form and stands infront of her,she would chop it off and would set it ablaze.She threw stones at the clouds.
“You,ve taken my Appa,Amma and Appu.Now you've taken my only son.Why don't you take me?What grave sin have I committed?”She yelled.He husband was more composed and he tried to make her calm.
After that both of them returned to Dubai.They tried to forget everything.They donated all their wealth to orphanges.
*******************************************
Funeral. of Jose uncle was over.She was now roaming around the dry,dusty and parched up village.She reached the place where here home was situated.Now people are digging a tube well there.
“What to do Ma'm?All groundwater dried up.Now we have to dig deep”They said
'Monsoon playing another prank'She sighed.
A banner caught her attention-”All religions' prayer meeting for rain at Panchayath Auditorium.Tomorrow at 5 30 PM.Please come and co-operate.”
She went for it.The Vicar of the church ,Moulvi of the Masjid and the Head of the Temple were leading the prayer meeting.
Quintessential display of secularism.!
“We all know,rain plays a pivotial role in sustaining our lives.It is the life-giver.It is the life-supporter.But for the last two three years rain has not been blessing us.If it is because of our sins that rain is cursing us ,then lets pray for the forgival of our sins.Lets pray to God Almighty.”The vicar was speaking.As he saw Mary he stammered a bit.Everybody know the havoc wreaked in Mary's life by rain.Life-destroyer being hailed as life-saver and life-supporter.
Mary also joined the prayer.”You ruined my life.Don't ruin the life of these poor villagers.Please come down.Before leaving this village I want to experience you.Probably our last encounter”
Next day the car came to take Mary and husband to airport.As they were packing up a wind blew.A cool breeze.A refreshing breeze.As they looked up, they could see sun hiding behind the advancing clouds.Sky turned dark.Faces lit up.Rumbles of thunder and people started to dance according to its beat.
“RAIN!!RAIN!!ITS GOING TO RAIN!!” People screamed in joy.
Mary looked up the sky.A rain drop fell on her wrinkled face.An apology from the skies.Then the next one.Next one.And the heavy downpour.Mary and husband got into car and drove off.Not wanting to witness one more monsoon

MANU SEBASTIAN

RAIL OF LIFE

6332 Trivandrum-Mumbai Express-the long python with an irresistible appetite for rails taking a short nap in the tumultuous Trivandrum railway station before starting another session of devouring of rails.
I got into the train and secured my seat. As of now there isn’t any one in my cabin. The air of solitude made me more comfortable.-an island in the sea of human beings. But soon the other claimants of the island came-a contingent of father, mother, son and sister. They were carrying bags and suitcases bigger than themselves. With great dexterity the father managed to stuff the baggage under the seat. Aroma of pineapple, bananas, halwas, jackfruits and other eatables were emanating from the gigantic bags. It seems that they are on a mission to do relief work in the famine stuck villages of North India.
Then the father, mother and the sister got out of the train deserting the son-a wannabe man of 17 or 18 year old. A sense of being disowned written all over his face. Then the father came to the window and gave him a list of instructions:
Do not stand at the door.
Do not get out of the train at stations.
Do not accept anything from strangers.
Call me as soon as you reach Mumbai
He nodded at every instruction. Every father would like to have a son like him.
Now it’s the turn of the mother .She held his hands through the window bars.
“Study well. My prayers will be always with you.” Her eyes were flooded.
“Yes amma.I will”. His reply came in a trembling voice.
“Potte Chetta “.Sister also bid adieu.
The train started to chug off. It was callously punctual today. The farewell scene was so heart-melting that it deserved to be continued for some more time.
I cannot understand why people sometimes express love in a manner, which defies all logic and rationale. They were weeping at the station as if their son is being sent to the gallows. Dear mother, do you want to have your son in your lap for the entire life?
I have also seen bewildering scenes of mothers sobbing at the occasion of their daughter’s wedding. At an occasion, which should make them happy, they shed tears. Its weird. May be the sense of parting with a person who was a part of their body for ten months is driving them to a melancholic mood. I don’t know. Love and logic never go hand in hand.
My companion was sitting there with his head stuck at the window bars. He was wandering in his own world.
“You are studying in Mumbai?” I asked him.
“Ha” He replied coldly.
I groped for some topics, which would keep the ball rolling.
“It seems that you don’t want to leave your native place.” I commented.
My comment made him to get up from his reclined posture.
“To be frank, I don’t want to leave home. It may sound quite babyish. Like a nursery kid crying ‘I don’t want to go to school’. But I wish I never had to return to that rat race. At home I feel that I’m someone. But there I’m just another person My life or existence doesn’t matter to anyone. I feel so tiny there. I wish I never had grown up. I want to be pampered for the whole life.”
I was wondering what made him to acquaint with me so much as to blurt out all his views about modern life.
“You feel lonely in the crowd, right?” I tried to sound a bit philosophical and abstract.
“Maybe. I’ve got lots of friends to hang out with. To chill out with. My co-celebrators. But none to confide in. No one to trust. Just a matter of existing with them and celebrating life with them. The more entertaining you are the more popular you are. Your acceptability among others depends upon your utility-how well others can make use of you. Everything is dynamic and vibrant-with all partying, clubbing and all. But there is some sort of hollowness everywhere.”
His sermon was getting into my nerves. He was sounding so pessimistic and desperate that I felt like jumping out of the train.
My companion again went back to his introspection. The boundaries of his own world wodened; to confront with the realization of his own negligibility in this world. Now he is just a drop in the distributary, which carries all sorts of sediments and sewage to the sea of people. Just to add another minute isle to the archipelago.
The train was moving ahead bisecting the dense rubber plantations of central Kerala.The rubber trees, which would determine the fate of lakhs of Malayalees.Train started to decelerate. Railway lines procreated. A yellow board with black wordings said
“KOTTAYAM”
“chaii….chaii..kaaappii…kaapppii….”
“For the attention of passengers…….”
Porters howling.
Engines whistling.
Rattling sound of trailers
The concert is in progress. The train’s monotonous voice was added to it and the concert culminated at a high note.
As soon as the train stopped a battalion of persons, aged between 60 and 65,made inroads into the train. They were pulaya people-the former untouchables of Kerala.These persons who were bare breasted and were clad in traditional lungi; whose sons who have got readymade collections of at least four or five brands. These persons who still acknowledges the fact that they are low-castes and still kneels before the so-called high castes; whose sons, who have placed themselves in the higher echelons of bureaucracy, thanks to Mandal, treading on the perpetrators of centuries of injustice in pursuit of vengeance. They were carrying lots of stuff. Following them were a middle aged man, a lady, probably his wife, two kids and an old lady of about 75 years of age, clad in traditional chatta-mundu .One of the battalion members dusted off the seat with his cloth and said in the humblest of humblest tone.
“Kochamme irunnalum”(Mistress, please take your seat)
The old lady sat there. She is a typical household Christian grandmother. Snowy hair, crumpled face. Ears, which got elongated due to wearing of the large circular earring, called kunukku. But her eyes were full of energy. They spoke the language of authority and stubbornness.
“Kochamme, will you forget us after reaching Bombay?” the battalion leader asked.
“How can I Kuttappa? You people will be always in my mind.” She replied.
“Even if you forget us, we can’t forget you. We and our coming generations will be always indebted to you and your family. It was your land, which gave us food. It sustained our lives. Now it may be in the hands of outsiders. But we will guard it till our last breath. Kochamme, you will be always in our memories. We are indebted to you.”
He joined his palms in front of his face. Tears were trickling down his cheeks.
“Kuttappa, the train is about to leave. Now you people may leave. Thanks for the help.”
The man said in a baritone voice. He offered three hundred rupees notes to him. He refused to take it.
“No sir. We didn’t do it for money.” The whole battalion moved out of the compartment.
The train started to move. It has witnessed lots of scenes like this and has now become quite indifferent to such emotional outbursts.
As the train started to gain speed, the old lady started to scream.
“Earthquake!!Earthquake!!Lord, save us”
The man and the lady went near her and consoled her. They made her to lie down and administered some pills, probably sleeping pills. She fell into deep slumber. Sound of her snoring resonating with thadak-thadak of train. Downfall of a powerful landlady!!
“Sorry. My mom is not used to train journeys. So she may behave quite oddly. We are sorry for that. Please cooperate.” The man apologized.
“She belongs to Pulimoottil family, which is one of the most powerful and affluent families of Kerala. You know, we were baptisized by St.Thomas. We owned most of the lands of Kottayam and Poonjar. And she used to manage all these lands. She was a lady with iron fist” The young lady started to brag off.
I didn’t understand on which fact the lady is taking pride in.-on the glorious past of that old lady from where she was uprooted or on the fact that the lady with iron fist is tied to their leash.
“ Now that she is old, it has become difficult for her to manage all the family property. And we, her children are scattered all over the globe. No one is interested in looking after the property. We kept on telling her ‘ sell it off. and shift with us to Bombay’. But she won’t admit. She was very adamant that she wouldn’t sell of ancestor’s property. She wanted to breathe her last in her forefather’s soil. We waited for three-four years. But everything has got a limit, right? This time all of us took a unanimous decision. We made her to sell of the land. And the proceeds were equally divided amongst us. Now she is coming with us to Bombay. There she will get better medical facilities. There will be anyone to attend to her, either me or she. Here who is there to look after her? These pulaya peoples who claim to be her trustful servants? You never know, when they will bite back.” The man justified his decision.
The old lady, bidding adieu to her hometown, forever. That too she couldn’t do properly, as she was in involuntarily induced slumber. These prolific coconut trees, lush green hillocks, golden paddy fields, vibrant River Meenachil, the Sunday Church Mass –everything fated to hide in her oblivion. If you try to replant a set tree from its milieu it will wither off. She wanted to embrace death in the soil, which witnessed her birth and growth; in the midst of her contemporaries. Now, she will have to undergo an alienated death; in any cold hospital room; in the midst of all gadgets; surrounded by persons speaking the language of jargons and lingoes. Her children could have granted her a tranquil death. However, sometimes avarice sucks out the last drop of humanity from you.
The train moved on. Past Kochi, Thrishur, Shornur, Palakkad. With great effort, it is now penetrating the Sahyadri Mountains. It was lunchtime. I was getting bored and decided to take a stroll across the compartments.
“Better you cut your nails before serving food “
I turned back. It was that retired Army Colonel yelling at the person serving food. I had met this fellow today morning. He was cribbing about the pathetic state of toilets. Now this fellow is taking on the pantry car fellow.
“Sir, my nails are clean “he retorted.
“ It doesn’t matter. Dirt can accumulate under your nails. And it may get transferred to food. And the passengers may get affected. Why don’t you get a shave and hair cut? Are you coming from jail? Hair may fall of from your face or head and may contaminate food. If we have paid we must get quality service. “ The colonel was steaming.
“ Ok Sir. All of us will the get shave off all the hair on our head and face. And we will cut off our fingers also. Will it satisfy you? “ The fellow replied in a bit sarcastic manner.
“Adjust Colonel. Don’t get too much fussy about these things. Make some compromises.” His fellow passenger advised.
“Shut up!!Compromises, egh? This is the problem with our society. Compromise with everything. Today morning the toilet was stinking like sewer. When I was complaining about it, people told me to adjust. Shove off!! This country won’t progress. This stupid democracy is full of adjustments and compromises. It should be scrapped off and military rule should be established. It won’t give any room for adjustments and compromises. Then only this nation would progress.” The colonel said.
I moved on. To the AC compartment. To get some cool air. To get in touch with some posh and pomp.
Two ladies were talking.
“You know, it took 7500 bucks to straighten my hair. Isn’t it flowing now? “
“Ooh!!Awesome.It took almost the same to groom the hair of my dog, Tippu. He was a Labrador. But last month he died. Because of food poisoning. Negligence of my servant. After that I beat the hell out of him. You know, Tippu was very sweet and lovely. After that I lost the interest in life. I thought of even committing suicide. I miss him very much.”
I left the compartment. I can’t take more posh and pomp. The train is now passing through the Naxal dominated areas of Andhra Pradesh. I wondered what the Naxalites would have done had they overheard the ladies conversation. They might chop off the 7500 bucks-worth-straight haired-head; to bring equality in society; to bridge the gap between haves and have-nots
I went near the door of the compartment. A young man was standing there. Not exactly standing. Hanging from the compartment with one hand on the bar. He had one bottle of Coke in the other hand. It won’t take any rocket-science to make out that the contents of the bottle were not non-alcoholic. He was howling and yelling.
“ I wanna die. I wanna die”
“Dear brother, why do you want to die? You are too young for that” I said.
“Why shouldn’t I? Will you tell me one reason?” He asked me.
What can I answer. I was puzzled.
“ I am a bloody loser. Loser in every field of life. My parents disowned me. About academics, least said is the better. All my friends ditched me. And girls. I proposed to many girls but all turned me down. Why should I live?. My virility is challenged. I should die.”
“No girls. No friends. No money. I should die.”
He started to sing this.
“Sir, if you don’t let us travel, then we’ll have no other option but to jump from this running train and die”
This statement turned my attention from this hooligan. I looked at the direction from which the voice came. Sitting on the floor near the other door were a middle-aged man, his wife and their three children. Their clothes and physique betrayed the days of utter poverty and malnourishment they have had. The man was having an argument with the TTR.
“Please understand. I cannot let you travel without tickets. I have to abide by the rules. I’m accountable to the government.” TTR said.
“Government! Hugh!!. Where was your government when all our crops where affected by drought? Where was your government when the moneylenders and the bankers took away all our lands? Where was your government when many of my fellow farmers ended up their lives? At least, we are making an effort to survive in this ruthless world. If your government is still showing its callous attitude then we will jump out of this train now.”
The man said.
I was thinking who had got the better reasons to die-whether the hooligan at the other door or this farmer and his family in this door. Finally the TTR melted and he let them travel.
I got really fed up. I cannot take more human characters in my mind. I had seen enough of eccentricities. Enough of weirdness. Enough of contrasts. I went back to my seat and slept.
Next day train reached Mumbai. I got down from the train and got dissolved in the crowd. I hoped my first companion would get adjusted with the rat race. I hoped that the old lady would have a tranquil death. I hoped that Colonel’s dream of a disciplined India would materialize. I hoped that the lady’s straightening of hair would have a permanent effect. I hoped that the lady would get over the grief of her Tippu’s death. I hoped that the hooligan would get a girlfriend. I hoped that the farmer and his family would be able to make a decent living in Mumbai.
I moved on. To get in touch with more eccentricities, more weirdness and more contrasts of humanity.
MANU SEBASTIAN

AN INNOCENT SOUL

• Come on George, Run fast” Rahul yelled. George and Rahul were enacting a PT USHA-model sprint in the bustling Ernakulam Railway Station. The Venad Express was luring them with its crawling. George and Rahul put their full energy into their legs, hoping that the Venad Express won't be callous enough to leave them behind in the station. In that process, Rahul hit an old man and pushed him over. He ignored him and grabbed the handle bar of the bogie and sprang into it. George was about to jump into the compartment. But some irresistible force prevented him from doing so. The sight of the old man lying down.; All the articles in his bag strewed the dirty floor-coins, Tiffin box, some photographs, paper chits. People jumping over him; stamping their foot on his belongings. people rushing around without any thought that they are treading on a human soul. The plight of that old man forced him to ignore Rahul's incessant calls.; to ignore the important meeting which is supposed to take place; to ignore the very fact that he is already late for work.Geroge went near the old man. He helped him to get up from his down-trodden state. He also helped him to gather his belongings which were scattered all over the place. He could see the 'X' mark of the train moving to infinity.'Today I'm going to miss the meeting. My career would be at peril. Again I'll be made to pay the price for helping out someone'It's not the first time that the sight of someone suffering has shaken his conscience. The spring of humanity in him had not dried up in the sultriness of consumerist and materialistic world life. He could not brush people off in their plight. Instead, he extended a helping hand. That too, on many occasions at the cost of his own life; his time; his money; his relationships. his future. It happened when he hospitalized a person, who was lying injured on the National Highway like a stray dog. Not only did it cost him a lot of money but it also got him in legal troubles. Same thing happened on his date. He was waiting for his girlfriend in a restaurant. Then he saw an old woman who was begging outside. Later he learned that she hasn’t taken food for many days. When his girlfriend came, she could see him dining with that old lady. That was the end of that relationship. Even if all trees in this world are made into paper, they won't suffice to record the instances where George has invited troubles by being a Good Samaritan.“Thanks a lot. I’m sorry that you missed your train. “The old man said.“its ok.Trains will come and go. But an opportunity to help a fellow human being, if lost cannot be regained” George replied.“It seems that helping out people is your profession” The old man laughed.“If I turn a blind eye to a man in need of help, my conscience will prick.Afterall we all are children of God. I follow what my Lord has said-”Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and will with thy soul, and with all thy strength and with all thy mind, and thy neighbor as thyself”“Oh!!You believe in God?” The old man asked.“Yes. I believe in God. God is Almighty” He asserted.“Oh!!If god is almighty, can he create a rock which he cannot lift?” his eyes were full of mischief.George was flabbergasted by that question. He did not know whether to say 'yes' or 'no'.“God is a divine force which is beyond the level of human understanding. It cannot be explained or substantiated with human reasoning” George gave him the same answer which he got from a priest, when, as a young boy, he questioned the existence of God.“Anything beyond reason is unreasonable. I don't believe in the existence of God. Even if it exists it is a very callous and merciless force who do not know how to mete out justice.” The old man started sobbing.” I lost my wife, my son and my grand children in last year’s tsunami. I lost my everything. My children, they never deviated from the path of rigteousness.Still, they had to meet up with a disastrous fate.Why? What is the justification? Why didn’t I get killed? I haven’t committed any grave sin so that I should spend my old age begging in this railway station.Why?When the corrupt officials,gangsters,murderers,dons,smugglers,rapists,dacoits are thriving in the world, why are poor souls like me and my children punished? Look at those children, who have made this station their home. What sin they have committed to be deprived of love, care and protection? Why some are made blind, lame and mentally retarded? What sin they have commited? Why your god is so merciless and unjust?”George was a bit confused about how to console the old man.“Please relax. Lord says that 'Blessed are they that mourn; for they shall be comforted.Blessed are they who are prosecuted for righteousness sake; for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven'Haven’t you heard the fable of rich man and Lazarous. Rich man was clothed in purple and fine linen and fared sumptuously everyday. And there was a certain beggar named Lazarus who was laid at his gates, full of sores. And desiring to be fed with the crumbs which fell from the rich man’s table.Morover the dogs came and licked his sores. After death,richman was sent to hell and Lazarus rose to heaven. And in hell, richman lift up his eyes, being in torments and saw Abraham far off and Lazarus in his bosom. God is just. Justice will be delivered. If not in earth but in heaven.” “Heaven!!Hugh!!You people have invented heaven in order to shut the mouth of the poor and down-trodden. You people exploit them; deny them rights; and pacify them by assuring them a prosperous life after death. I have sheer contempt toward people like you. Instead of trying to make world a better place to live in, you daydreamers envisage a sumptuous life in heaven”George had no answer to give. The next train came“God bless you. I have got to go.”Geroge said.“Are you a pastor?”“No. I’m working in a company.”“Anyway thanks for helping me. And for trying to change my outlook on life”In the train, George ruminated over the conversation he had with that man. His bitter experiences have made him skeptical about the existence of God. George analyzed his life. Even he didn't have a blissful childhood or a resplendent adolescence. As a small kid, he lost his both parents in an accident .His relatives, who were eying his parent's vast property, were reluctant to rear him and threw him in the street. He grew up in the company of street children. Later he was adopted by Christian monks. There he got love, care and education. They instilled in him a quest for spiritual knowledge. He learnt all religious books, especially bible. It enabled him to develop a positive outlook. He believed in God, though there was no rational base for that belief. He felt that there was some in divine intervention in his life. Though his parents died in the accident, he escaped miraculously. Though he was thrown in the street he was given shelter by the pious and philanthropic monks. Though he never got the opportunity to study in any prestigious school, the sagacious monks imparted to him wisdom and inculcated in him a cheerful disposition. All his miseries appeared to him as blessings. He wanted to devote his life to express his boundless gratitude to that omnipotent, omnipresent and obscure force. He found the fragments of that spiritual entity in every human being.'The King shall answer.Verily; I say unto you, insamuch as you have done it unto one of the least of these my bretheren, you have done it unto me'These words were his inspiration.When George went into boss's chamber, a volcano erupted. Lava of anger flowed out from boss's face. George was actually a laughing stock of that office. His ridiculous adventure gave enough relaxation to them from their hectic work.During lunch break he met Rahul.“You dumbo! You could have easily come here, had you taken that train. But you cannot leave behind that oldman, right? Was he your grandpa or what?”“Why should you be concerned about my behavior? Isn’t it my prerogative to decide what to do?”“George, be practical. I’m not saying that you should not help people. But you have to look after your affairs also. These people have very short memory. When you are in need of help. I swear. no one will turn up. People are very ungrateful. This world is unfit for people like you.”“If you are telling these things just to give an exercise to your idle tounge, then continue. But if to change my attitude, then it's better you give rest to your tongue.”

*********************************************************************

George was giving colour to the monochromatic National Highway with the red blood oozing out of his head. He gazed at the sky. The moon and the stars were watching him lying down helplessly like the people who had surrounded him. Birds flew over his body, like the people who passed by without even turning an eye. George could hear the footsteps of death approaching him faintly.The world was playing a cruel joke on George. But he could not comprehend the magnitude of that joke .At least, to do justice to innocent souls like him, there should be a heaven.MANU SEBASTIAN

THE CYBORG

The shrieking sound of the bell woke her up from her slumber.The students were waiting for the bell like the parched earth waiting for the skies to open.The sonicwaves emerging from the brass plate stirred up a commotion in the class.
“Happy Birthday Nisha......Happy Birthday Nisha.......”
However,Nisha was not payng much attention the the dissonant song,ostensiably sung in chorus.
“Hey Nisha,You are leaving??We won't let you go.Where are you going to take us to?McDonalds?Pizza Hut?Dominos?”
“or our canteen??”
“Sorry!I'll give treat on someother day.Now I have got to go.”
“Come on man.Its your birthday.Everyday you are like this.On hearing the last bell you rush to your home.Why?So obsessed with studying??”
“No way!you know,I'm not at all studious”Nisha giggled.
“Your scoresheets say that.Then what?You dont like spending time with us?”
“Er..not that..Today I've got to go..”Nisha groped for excuses”Somebody is waiting for me in my house”
“Ooh..somebody!!You naughty bitch!!Somebody waiting for nisha in her house.That too when her parents are out.Now the cat is out of bag.Spmebody!!”
Nisha could see everyone chuckling.
“Hey..There is nothing like that”
“Like what?..Ooh..look at her blush.Ok.Carry On.We dont want to be spoilsports.”
Nisha got out of the fortressof her classmates with a sigh.She cursed herself for telling that excuse.
'Why can't these people mind teir own business.I hate people trying to be overpally with me'
She opened the door of the house.
'Thank God!There isnt anyone here..I enjoy this solitude.'
She rushed towards her computer.Waited impatiently for everything to get loaded.
Orkut Login.
MSN Login.
Yahoo Login.
Gmail Login.
You are connected to 235657889 people through 568 friends.-displayed the orkut home page.
Suddenly a window popped up
“asl please”
Another-”Hi!!wassup!!”
She checked her scrap book entries.Lots of birthday wishes.Lots of ove flowing in from different parts of the world.Her online pals are scattered all over the globe.Sending their regards.Caring for her.Thinking about her.Admiring her.
She felt pride in her gregarious nature.
'How popular and lovable am I '
She was busy chatting with her Mongolian frined.The conversation,whihc was flowing very freely without any viscousity was interrupted by the ringing of the calling bell.
“Oh Fuck!.My mom is early hoem today”
'Ok..bye..I hv gtg..c u..tc..'.She ended the conversation by adhering to the online etiquette.
“Happy birthday dear.”Her mother hugged her.
“Thanks Mom”
“Meet my colleague Sarita.And her daughter Rita”
“Hi”
“Hi”
Her mother immediately set the table.Kept the cake and candles.Nisha was watchin all the proceedings like a bystander.
'Jennifer must be online now..By the time all the birthday banalities are over she might have signed out.'
She hurried through all the formalities.Blowing our candles,cutting cake,passing the cake pieces.
'How mundane?'she thought.She prayed that the guests would go back soon.She will have to stay back like a statue with a plastic smile.
“You girls go and have chat.We have got some importan matters to discuss.”
“Hi.We will go to your room.”Rita said with a wide smile.
“Come”
Many chat boxes had sprouted all over the desktop.She entered into her virtual world ,oblivious of the prescence of Rita.
“You seem to be very techno savvy”Rita commented.
“Ha.A Bit”
“Is chatting your favourite pastime?”
“Its not exactly my pastime.Its my life.”
Nisha was getting irritated by her pestering.
“Oh great!!.None of yor friends came for the party.Didnt you invite them?”
“My friends cannot come here”her eyes were still glued at the screen.
“Why?”she was puzzled.
“They are online frinends.”
“Online friends!!Ok.but dont you have any normal....I mean...human friends”
***********************
Hours fell into days.Days made months.Months amalgamated to form years.Years passed by to make Nisha a woman.Her online community also grew with her.She shifted to a city and took a flat.She secured a job also.To be specific an online job.
It was actually a dream come true for her.Every morning she need not rush to the office.She need not drink the insipid office grapevine.No need to succumb to anyones bossing.Jut sit in her room with her soulmates-her computer and solitude.She need to chat with the onlin clients of the company.And she has to do some online drafting and accounting works.She will be paid online also.She need not get out of her room/Just make the online order for the household things.Service at doorstep.
She never felt her online life monotonous.Orkutting was opium for her.Messengers her marijuana.The heroin of chatting got into her veins and nerves.
Miseries and sorrows in her virtual world were like snakes in Iceland.Totally absent.No burdens of the mundane world life there.Only the excitement of meeting new people and making new relationships.She had online love affairs.Online dating.And even online breakups.As her online global community was inflating her social circle was shrinking.
***********************
The chirpings of the birds woke her up form her deep sleep.AS she gradually opened her eyelids,sunlight seeped into her eyes.She instantaneously closed her eyelids tightly.She has not seen sunlight for ages.It will take time for her pupils to get adjusted with the bright sunlight.The sound of the bird chirpings were getting on her nerves.She sprang out of her bed and screamed ”Shut up...worthless creature..”
Then a lady clad in white dress came near her.
“Easy.Relax.Just lie down.I was waiting for you to wake up.I will call the doctor and come”.She walked away.
Even in her dizzy mood she coul make out that she was lying on a hospital bed.
'But why??'
Doctor came in accompaniedby the nurse.Her pulse rate and BP were checked.She was administered some medicines.
“What am I doing here doctor?”Nisha asked.
“You are suffering from acute viral fever.Yesterday night you were admitted here.Before that you were lying unconscious in your room for two days.Some representative of your company came to your flat,since you were not responding to them.He found you lying unconscious and brought you here.And the interesting thing is that your neighbouring flat mates never knew that their next door was occuppied.Ok.Take rest”
The doctor and his convoy walked away.
The bright sunlight illuminated the whole room.She found it irritating.She got up from her bed to draw the curtains of the window.She could see the hospital garden through the window.A well maintained garden with wide variety of flowers.She found the flowers in the garden hoary when compared to the resplendent flowres which decorated her computer desktop.
Some scrreching noise diturbed her thoughts.It was a baby crying.She was getting really annoyed.It was like somebody piercing her eardrums with a needle.She got out of the room.A lady was sitting on a chair with her baby.
“Shut up..you fucking son of a bitch!!”
The lady was startled.
“How dare you yell at my child.?Mind your words...”
“What if I dont...You bloody whore...”
Nisha slapped that lady.It led to a commotion.The timely intervention of the hospital staff prevented it from snowballing inot a major issue.
Nisha was brought to the doctor's room.
“Doctor,I want to know why I am imprisoned here.Please let me go.I am perfectly ok.”
“You are not,Nisha.If you were,would you have scuffled with that poor lady.??”
“Please doctor.This place is weird.I am in desperate need of a computer,I want to get in touch with my online community.This is driving me nuts.”
“Come On,Nisha.The problem is with you.Your problem is that you were totally involved in your online chatting and online business.You were not concerned about the world outside your room.I think you have got addicted to internet.So you had oppurtunity to socialize with people.That is why you are finding everything weird.Actually you are weird.”
“Doctor,dont try to teach me what socializing is.I have got infinite number of friends scattered all over the globe.My friend circle is not like yours,which is confined to some persons living in the vicinity of your house.”
“Oh Nisha.Try to undersand the reality.Step out of your online world.Try to live in the real world.That is why I asked you to spend some time here.Try to interact with more people.Get to know more of them.Enjoy the nature.Enjoy the music of birds;the fragrance of flowers.;the enticing beauty of the garden”
“Doctor,I dont want to listen to your lecture.I want to leave.Finish of the hospital formalities and let me leave.”
“If you are adamant,then I dont have anything more to say.But we had informed your mother.She will be reaching here by tomorrow evening.We will let you go only after her arrival.Otherwise,it will lead to legal comlications.You have to stay back here till tomorrow evening.Please co-operate.”
She had to retreat to her room.The solitariness of the room was horrifying.Time had become stagnant for her.The room was filled with the air of ennui.
'I must get out of this place.I must get back to my room.To my computer.To my online community.This world is weird.It is unfit for living.I must leave at the earliest.But it is not possible to leave through the main door'
She noticed large windows of her room which had no bars.Emotions superseded prudence.She jumped from the fourth floor of the building.She signed out of this world to log in to some other world.
MANU SEBASTIAN

THE LAMENTATIONS OF A SUCCESFUL MAN

Mr Jacob Mathew kept the trophy securely in the shelf.”THE MOST SUCCESFUL BUISINESS MAN OF THE YEAR AWARD”-These words were engraved in the golden plate of the trophy. He allowed his 85 kg weighing body,marred with diabates,cholasterol and other diseases which are the gifts of the modern life style,to recline on the easy chair.”The most successful person in the world”-the words used by the chief guest to describe him were echoing in his head.The thunderous applause of the audience;glittering flashlights of the cameras;swarming mediapersons.;But his heart was aching.
The party thrown by him was studded with eminent personalitities-filmstars,politicians,buisinessmen.But he was not able to dissolve into the party.He hung a smile on his cheeks.Later he drew a straightline on his face,after thr cheek muscles found it difficult to support the smile.Something was pricking him.”Congragulations”,”How are you”,”Whats up?”-these words fell on his ears like rain drops spattered on a piece of boulder.When he realised that he was an insoluble entity in the party he sneaked out of it to his some.
“I am at the zenith of succes.Yet I am not happy.Why??”
The words engraved on the trophy beamed a sarcastic smile at him.He was feeling hungry.He went into the kitchen in search for anything to eat.His wife,children and servants are enjoying the party.After groping around sometime,he stumbled upon some donuts.He took one in his hands nad gazed through the hole of the donut.
“My life is like a donut.Nothing inside.Just a hole.I have accumulated all material welath.But nothing has nourished my inner self.If i eat up the external part of this donut...what is left..nothing..just air..if i shed my exterior self..there wont be anything left...just voidness...”
He was feeling bored.He swithched on the TV.On seeing the images of him being felicitated he swithched it off.His eyes then stuck on an old almirah.It was stocking some old certificate,documents and other antiquated things.-a dignified form of a garbage bin. On opening the old almirah doors,an old trophy tumbled down with a crackling noise. The trophy he got for clinching the first place in some music competition at school level.
His cerebral cells took a fast rewind. Old memories were dusted off. Music was a passion for that school boy. He took pride in the fact that he belonged to the privilaged class of persons who are gifted with the boon of music. In the fabric of life he wanted to sew the dream of becoming a great musician. When audience felicitated him with thunderous applause , he felt that he epitomized glory.He felt like a conqueror,who after vanquishing the whole universe,skipped around by yelling” I am the most succesful person in this world”.Music was the elixir of his life;it was for music he lived;it was music which fuelled his life.
“Why didnt I become a musician?”
There was a time when he used to proclaim proudly that he wanted to be a musician.
But this was not well received always.Later on he started feeling tounge -tied,when he was confronted with the question “what did he want to be.?”.He tried to evade it by giving elusive answers like “I dont know”,”I havn't decided”.He had a dream.But not the grit to materialize it.
His father told him”Think practically.An engineer or a doctor has got a status in the society.People look upon them with respect.There is no guarantee that you will be succesful as a musician.Be an engineer or a doctor.Your life is secure.”
His mother told him”Think practically.The demand for an engineer or a doctor is very high in a marriage market.It is very easy for an engineer or a doctor to get a beautiful wife”
His brother told him”Think practically.A doctor or an engineer can easily fetch a lot of money.You can easily get a big bunglow,car,etc”
Gradually he mastered the art of thinking practically. He took science subjects.He joined entrance coaching classes.He took consolation in the fact that he has got a respectable answer to give if any one asked him what he wanted to be.
“I want to be an engineer or a doctor.”
All the subjects like physics,chemistry,maths wre choking the musician inside him.He caged his inner self in the prison made of his own avarice and lack of determination.He stopped paying heed to his inner voices.He felt it more practical to follow his reasoning than his instincts.He lost the power to control himself.His mind was controlled by his avarice,his greed and his ability to think practically.
He was like a piece of log floating in river.
Thus he became an engineer.A software professional.A business tycoon,However,as he was ascending his inner self was descending.His unfulfilled dreams,his old ambitions,his old passion;everything was piled up in the cellar of his mind.When he was beaming with glory,his inner self was weeping.He put the musician in himself to a premature death.
He glanced at the trophy.It has become rusty.He wiped off the dust and cobwebs.But it cannot recover its lost sheen and lustre.He cleared his throat.He tried to recollect the lines of a song which he used to sing.Words are coming to his lips.But no sound is coming out of his soundbox.It is very difficult to open a door which has remained shut for ages.At last,words came out of his lips with music.But he could not identify the sound,-a cacaphonic,hoarse voice,
No,this is not my voice.I had a sweet,melodious voice,It had a midas touch which could convert every bystander into a listener.This is not my voice.
He tried again.It was worse.Again.No.
“Oh my goodness.I have murdered my innerself,I have shattered my own dreams.I was endowed with a gift.But I lost it.I am loser.I am the biggest loser in this world.I was gifted with a piece of diamond.But i bartered it for a glowing piece of ember.My life is not worth living.I don't have the right to live in this world”
He committed suicide.